Man: Studio "A," this is Master Control.
- You're up on router 7. Have a good show. Dana: Thank you.
Will: Stand by audio, stand by VTR. Natalie: Four minutes out.
Janie, I need you standing by for a possible comeback after 5:00.
Andruw Jones is spelled with a "U."
And Cris Collinsworth doesn't have an "H."
- Doesn't have an "H"? - Doesn't have an "H."
- Why doesn't Collinsworth have an "H"? - It never had an "H."
It has an "H" at the end.
He's saying "Cris" doesn't have an "H."
Anybody know why ther e's a 20-pound f rozen turkey
up in the light grid?
Dana, Elliott wants to know
why ther e's a 20-pound f rozen turkey in the light grid.
It's 24 pounds.
I'll tell him that,
but then he'll probably just want to know
why ther e's a 2 4-pound f rozen turkey in the light grid.
Why is there a 24-pound f rozen turkey up in the light grid?
- I'm thawing it out. - You're thawing out a turkey on the light grid?
Anybody got a problem with that?
- Not me. - Cool with me.
It's like a week bef or e Thanksgiving.
- This is just a dry run. - A dry run on the turkey?
My whole f amily's coming to New York - 18 people.
- And this is your first time making the dinner? - Yes.
- It's a rite of passage into adulthood. - Yes.
It's a time f or giving thanks,
a time to shar e in the warm embrace of f amily.
- Right. You don't want to take any crap f rom your mother. - I r eally don't.
- You'r e doing the right thing. - I need to see how long it takes to thaw.
Thr ee minutes in.
By the way...
you know what today is?
- It's Monday. - What else?
Uh, it's November 23rd.
And what does that mean?
Come on.
November 23rd.
What happened on this date?
- Boston College upsets Notr e Dame? - Wrong.
- Gr etzky's 500th goal? - Think.
- Alberto Salazar wins his f ourth New York Marathon? - No.
Alberto Salazar wins his third New York Marathon?
- Casey, you'r e not - - Does it have anything to do
- with Alberto Salazar or the New York Marathon? - No.
- Let me take one mor e stab at it. - Go.
Alberto Salazar wins his second New York marathon?
- Casey... f orget about it. - Come on, what is it?
- Come on. - No, f orget about it. Forget about it.
Kim, this is my daughter's number in San Francisco.
- Would you keep trying her f or me, please? - Sur e.
Is ther e a problem with Kathy?
Ther e's no problem, but she's due in 10 days.
Esther flew out ther e this morning to be with her.
She should've landed by now,
but I haven't heard f rom either of them yet.
30 seconds to VTR.
Have a good show, everybody.
Isaac, Esther and Kathy ar e fine.
You'r e gonna be a grandf ather in 10 days,
so try not to make everybody crazy.
Esther and I had a fight this morning bef or e she left.
- What about? - Nothing.
Kim, keep calling.
Casey: Jeremy...
November 23rd - does that date ring a bell?
And don't go to the computer.
- Don't have to. - What is it?
It was on this day in 534 B.C.
that Thespis stepped out onto the stage
of the Theater Dionysus during a choral song and dance
and became the first man
to speak words as an actor in a play.
- Tell me I was supposed to know that. - I don't want to talk about it.
Dave: 60 in. Roll VTR.
Thespis?
The first actor, now a mischievous ghost.
He likes to wr eak havoc on perf ormances of any kind.
I'd brace yourself f or a strange show tonight.
It's not gonna be a strange show.
He might wr eak havoc.
- He's not gonna wr eak havoc. - He might.
This show's locked up tight as a drum.
Thespis likes a challenge.
Thespis has been dead f or 2,500 years.
You r eally think you should be baiting him like this?
"I f ear not ghosts. I f ear them not."
Your courage is an inspiration.
You'r e just messing with me, right?
- Sur e. - The show's gonna be fine tonight...
- Yes. - tight as a drum.
- You betcha. - [ Gasps, thud ]
All right, [Clears throat] why wasn't I brief ed
about this Thespis thing bef or e?
- Dana, I - - Did you know about this Thespis thing?
It's bad to panic, Dana. Thespis can smell f ear a mile away.
- All right, we just need to get through the top half-hour. - That's right.
Anything that ever goes wrong with the show
- goes wrong during the top half-hour. - Nothing's going wrong.
Not if we can get through the top half-hour.
- Mortals. - Jer emy!
Thespis likes to play the f ull 60 minutes.
- Give me one mor e hint. - Forget about it.
- Danny... - It's not important. - In 3... 2...
Good evening. From New York City,
I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus we'r e gonna take a swing through the NFL,
wher e ther e wer e mor e than a f ew upsets yesterday.
We'll take you out to Pauley Pavilion
f or a Pac-10 matchup you won't believe,
and we'll take you out to Watkins Glen
f or a NASCAR rules explanation we can't understand.
All that coming up after this.
You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
- We'r e out. Natalie: We're in commercial.
- Two minutes back. - 28 minutes to go.
The MLS, Major League Soccer -
and if you know me,
you know I eat, drink, and br eathe soccer.
Without delay, the Miami Fusion,
the D. C. United - let's go to the action.
Blake kicks the ball with high hopes
that it'll enter the goal, but it does not.
Stand by 22.
Give me a pr eview on FX 7, V.O. 9, and show me the board.
- He doesn't know the route. - Here's 7.
Man: Here's 9. - Show me the board. - Board's up.
Asked him to r ehearse the route, but he wouldn't listen.
You'r e babbling, Isaac.
- He hasn't r ehearsed the route. - Who?
Douglas, my son-in-law.
How can he find the hospital if he hasn't r ehearsed the route?
Isn't Douglas a radar officer in the Navy?
Yes, and if we wer e scrambling F-16s,
I'd trust him to find the flight deck of the USS Coral Sea,
but we'r e having a baby, and you can't find Berkeley General
unless you r ehearse the route.
Think that's crazy?
No crazier than thawing out a turkey on the light grid.
- What ar e you doing on the light grid? - It's not important. [ Chuckles nervously ]
Isaac, it's your wif e.
- Oh, finally. - You see?
Man: Stand by FX 7, V. O. 12.
Casey: Good.
With the NHL season well underway,
one of the big questions on the minds of f ans
is if the def ending-champion Red Wings will pull off a thr ee-peat
and drink f rom Lord Stanley's Cup once again.
- Ready five. - For more on that,
we go to Tracy Heller, who's standing outside
the Detroit Wed Wings rocker room.
- Red Wings rocker room. - Oh, man.
[ Laughs ]
Or possibly the Detroit Red Wings locker room.
- Take five. - Natalie: 2 1/2 minutes back.
Thespis?
It's his special day.
Let me take one mor e shot at it. Is it, um -
Our anniversary.
Our anniversary?
Our anniversary. Today is our anniversary.
Jeez, Dan, that night in Minneapolis with the Jagermeister,
we didn't do anything untoward, did we?
- You mean did we get married? No. - Yeah.
Good.
We recited the St. Crispin's Day speech
in the lobby of the St. Paul Radisson.
- Was it untoward? - No, it was just embarrassing.
So, uh, how is it our anniversary?
It's the anniversary of our first show - November 23rd, 5 years ago.
No, we went on the air two years last July.
I'm not talking about "Sports Night,"
I'm talking about our first broadcast.
"Lone Star."
"Lone Star Sports."
November 23rd?
That's right.
What do you want f rom me?
Nothing, Casey.
I'm just gonna sit over her e and do my show.
Impersonating my ex-wif e never won anyone a place in my heart.
- It's an important day to me. - It's an important day to me, too.
[ Laughs ] I don't think it is.
- How can I prove it to you? - Remembering it would be a step in the right dir ection.
One minute back.
So, Thespis is the Roman god of theater?
That's exactly right, ex cept he's not Roman, and he's not a god.
- What is he? - He's Greek, and he's a ghost.
- Who's Artemis? - Artemis?
Artemis is goddess of the moon, the hunt,
chastity, and f ertility.
Ooh! Your boy knows his mythology.
- Give him another one. - Athena.
Goddess of wisdom, the arts, and war.
Mercury.
God of commerce, wr estling, gymnastics,
thieving, good luck, sleep, wealth, and dr eams.
Wow.
Ther e's a God of thieving?
There's a God of gymnastics?
Yes, indeed.
- 10 seconds back. Dave: Ready four.
I r emember what you wer e wearing.
Do you r emember what I was wearing?
I r emember not thinking at the time that you wer e a woman.
In 3... 2...
Thanks, Tracy. You can see the Red Wings take on the Maple Leaf s
tomorrow night at 7 :30 right her e on CSC,
as Bob Lowry and Steve Capps bring you all the action f rom Toronto. Casey.
Casey: The PGA tour was in Scottsdale yesterday
for the final round of the Kingsbridge Open.
Going into the 12th hole...
You and Esther make up?
Kim, get me on the next flight to San Francisco.
- What do you need - - Do it now, Kim.
[ Casey talking indistinctly ]
Uh, take over.
Natalie's got the wheel, everybody.
...can only be called inspirational.
The ball flew through the air with the greatest of ease...
Put up 20, 21, and 22 on a pr eview scr een.
Casey, heads up.
I need you to str etch a 20 blind roll into a 30.
You all right?
Yeah.
...on the leaderboard. Dan.
I'm gonna fly out tonight, honey.
[ TV volume decr eases ] I'll meet Mom and your sister at the hospital.
I'll have Carmen stay ther e tonight.
Honey, don't argue with me.
I'll call you back in a f ew minutes.
I'll call you back.
Get back to the control room.
What's going on?
Dana, get back to the damn control room.
Natalie's fine f or a couple of minutes.
She's having an emergency C-section.
They'r e doing it right now.
What happened?
She was cleaning the kitchen when Esther got ther e.
Esther said she doubled over in pain
and started scr eaming.
The O.B. said ther e was massive internal bleeding.
She was unconscious when she got to the E.R.
Is Kim working on the plane tickets?
Yes, yes. Why don't you sit down?
She's nine months pr egnant.
What's she doing cleaning the kitchen?
She's hoping to make a good impr ession on her mother,
but that's not why she was bleeding.
Did they say anything to you about something called placenta pr evia?
That's what it is.
It happened to my brother's wif e, Shelly.
Two weeks bef or e she was due, massive hemorrhaging,
rushed to the hospital.
- What happened? - Shelly was fine.
What about the baby?
They lost the baby, but Shelly was fine.
[ Sighs ]
You should get back to the show.
[ Sniff s ]
Yeah. Mmm...
I'll be back in a f ew minutes.
Okay.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Casey: Miami of Ohio and Bowling Green State
aren't two teams that are normally in the national spotlight
unless you're speaking of their departments of physics
and Native American studies respectively...
- Thank God. Dana: What's going on?
We blew the cue at 44.
Well, that's not so bad. Anything else?
We had the wrong V.O. at 42, the wrong Chyron at 50,
and we would've had 20 seconds of dead air at 55
if Casey hadn't been thinking on his f eet.
- What'd he do? - I think it was the St. Crispin's Day speech. I'm not sure.
- She did fine. - There's water dripping on the desk.
- What desk? - The anchor desk.
Natalie, get someone up ther e and find out what's going on.
I was gone thr ee minutes. Is ther e anything that didn't get scr ewed up?
- We spelled Cris Collinsworth right. - Good.
Dave: In 3... 2...
Thank you, Matt.
We'r e gonna take a br eak f or 2 1/2 minutes and pay some bills,
but when we come back, we're gonna have college hoops,
bowl pr edictions, and a steeplechase that got out of hand.
You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so don't go f ar.
- We'r e out. - 2 1/2 back.
Dana, what the hell's going on?
Listen to me, Isaac's having a f amily emergency,
but ther e's nothing we can do about it f rom her e.
Everybody got that? Get your heads in the game!
We ar e gonna get through the top half-hour!
I'm not gonna be beaten by a 6,000-year-old Roman god!
He's a 3,000-year-old Gr eek ghost.
Well, I'm a 33-year-old television producer,
and f or one hour every night,
this is my little corner of the world,
and nothing scr ews up her e unless I scr ew it up!
You got that?!
Why is ther e still water dripping on this desk?!
Say, Dana...
this wouldn't happen to be your f rozen turkey
by any chance, now, would it?
Well, clearly I'm going to be taking crap f rom my mother.
Man: Two minutes back.
In the NCAA, ther e ain't no such thing as f r ee lunches,
much less f r ee skybox tickets or f r ee hotel rooms.
That's why Southern University wideout Marcus Ryan
will sit out two games.
Ryan's suspension comes to a total of five games...
Ready S.O.T.
- Go 90. Man: Marcus...
- Just answer me this. - What are you, the Riddler?
What was wrong with you that day?
- Ther e was nothing wrong. - Why won't you tell me?
I was nervous. It was our first show.
- You wer en't nervous. Ther e was something wrong. - Why ar e we still talking about this?
Was it 'cause of what happened with Conan O'Brien's show?
It had nothing to do with Conan's show.
You've made way too much out of that.
- In 3... - My name was mentioned a couple times.
- 2... - I was never seriously consider ed f or the show.
In this week's police blotter,
a judge in New York has issued a court order
f or the arr est of f ormer def ensive end Mark Gastin
for violating a court order,
while in a Houston courtroom,
Sacramento backup power f orward Jason Grisham
was pleading "no contest"
to charges that he hit a f an over the head with a bottle of fine cognac.
For mor e psychotic behavior, her e's Jack Jankowitz.
Yes, you wer e.
Yes, I was, what?
Being seriously consider ed f or Conan's show.
- No, I wasn't. - Yes, you were,
and when you didn't get it, you were stuck doing a little sports show with me in Dallas.
- It was a good show, Danny. - It wasn't good enough for Lisa.
Yeah, what was good enough f or Lisa?!
- What haven't you told me? - There's no mystery here.
Casey, I've known you f or 10 years. We've been working together f or five of them.
What haven't you told me?
Natalie, how much time do I have?
Another 15 seconds on this,
then Dan's got two minutes, then a 2-minute "C" br eak.
I'm gonna stretch my legs.
We'r e back in 3... 2...
We'll come back to Jack Jankowitz later in our show.
In women's college hoops,
the Pac-10's been having a good season
with four teams in the top 25.
On Sunday, the Bruins went in the valley of the sun
for a conference matchup against Arizona State.
[ Sighs ]
Any news?
No.
Do you want some company?
No.
Tough.
- [ Sighs ] - [ Sighs ]
Did a big f rozen turkey f all down on the anchor desk
during the last commercial?
- Yes. - And why?
Ah, Isaac, is ther e r eally an answer I can give to that question that will satisfy you?
I don't think so.
- Then don't worry about it. - [ Chuckles ]
Esther and I had an argument this morning
bef or e she left f or the airport.
About what?
She said I wasn't showing enough enthusiasm
about the baby.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
No, it's not.
I guess I've been f eeling my age.
I was rude to my son-in-law.
I said to my daughter Kathy
that I was too young to be a grandf ather.
What the hell kind of thing
is that to say to your daughter?
Huh.
Anyway...
I'm sorry we f ought this morning.
In a f unny way, Danny and I ar e having the same fight right now,
only he doesn't know it's about a fight
that Lisa and I had five years ago.
You've never told him, have you?
No.
Why?
I don't know.
You got to learn to show people how you f eel about them, Casey.
- Why do I have to prove it to him? - 'Cause he f eels like a consolation prize.
He's not.
Tell him.
So, you say a f ew words,
you make a gestur e,
you r emember an important date.
Small price to pay f or what you get in r eturn.
For what you get in r eturn, it's a steal.
The r est is all vanity.
[ Bottle clinks ]
What?
- I was gonna hug you. - Oh, please don't.
As a gestur e.
Oh. [ Laughs ] Okay.
[ Laughs ]
Call the studio when you get some news.
[ Sighs ]
I've named this Thanksgiving.
I'm calling it "The Thanksgiving of Mom's disapproval."
Included on the 2-r ecord set ar e the hit songs
"Why Ar en't You Married?"
And "Sports Is No Place f or an Educated Woman"
and "Didn't Anyone Ever Tell You How to Cook a Turkey?"
On the turkey f ront, she may have a r easonable point.
Tell me the mission of Thespis.
What's his M.O.?
By and large, the mission of any ghost is to off er humility.
They point out what's important by mocking what is not.
I'm not sold. I'm not sold at all.
Stand by in 3... 2...
Welcome back. If you'r e joining us late...
Dana, Broadcast Center says we should expect some trouble
with our transmission in the next couple minutes.
What kind of trouble?
[ Static ]
Well, that was certainly uncalled f or.
- No, I mean it. - Why ar e you looking at me?
Elliott, get someone on the phone
and find out what's going on
and how long we can expect it to be going on f or.
How am I bothering Thespis?
What have I done? What have I done to this ghost,
who, by the way, no one has ever heard of but you?
What have I done that he should choose, like Jacob Marley,
to spend an entir e night in the studio
just slapping us around?
You'r e not bothering Thespis.
- I'm obviously bothering Thespis. - He's fine.
It's a power grid upstate. They should have us back on in a couple minutes.
I just wanted to make a nice Thanksgiving dinner.
Well, not exactly.
What do you mean, "not exactly"?
It's none of my business.
Well, I'm making it your business.
You can't just make it my business.
Well, l-I just did.
You'r e under estimating your mother.
You get to see your f amily, what, twice a year?
Savor it.
Your mother's gonna love you whether or not you scr ew up the turkey.
My mother's gonna annoy me whether or not I scr ew up the turkey.
Which leads us to the conclusion
that your mother loves you even though she annoys you,
and it's Thanksgiving,
so which do you want to f ocus on?
For a guy who's r ead "The Hobbit" 14 times,
you'r e not so dumb.
- Hi. - Hey, Casey.
I was on television f or a little while ther e, and then I wasn't anymor e.
It's got to be pr etty disturbing f or someone like you.
I think it'd be pr etty disturbing
f or someone like you, too.
[ Sighs ] It's a television show, Casey.
I'm not thinking about worldly things at the moment.
Okay.
- Is anyone?! - A power grid's down.
We'll be up in a f ew minutes. You should stay at the desk.
- Ther e's not gonna be any mor e poultry f alling down? - Who can say?
Stay at your desk.
- What's going on in ther e? - A power grid's down. We're supposed to stand by.
Thank you.
I was gonna buy you some flowers on the way back f rom the control room, but -
I don't know if you noticed,
but I dropped that, like, 15 minutes ago.
Good.
- I just think that - - Danny...
they off er ed me Conan's show.
They did?
- Yeah. - They off er ed it to you?
Ther e was an off er. They off er ed me the show.
- And you passed? - Yeah.
- You passed on your own network show? - Yeah.
To work with me in Dallas?
- It was clear we wer e going national. - No, it wasn't.
Look, I passed on the show. What does it matter why?
If you passed on the show,
Lisa must've gone thermal.
She wasn't happy.
Case...
...was that the beginning of the end
with you and Lisa?
Yeah.
Casey. [ Sighs ]
Casey, Casey, Casey...
Look, I appr eciate your f ond wishes -
- Ar e you stupid? - What happened to the fond wishes?
You turned down "Late Night"?
- I wouldn't have been any good on that show. - Yes, you would've.
- No, I wouldn't have. - You would've been gr eat.
- Danny... - You would've been gr eat.
- I would've been embarrassing. - That is flat-out not true.
What did that woman do to your confidence?
How many hits did you have to take to your ego?
Guys, this is a 60-second heads-up.
Apologize f or technical difficulties,
and we'll start right back up with 101.
Fellas, can I talk to you a second?
You would've been gr eat.
You would've been very good.
Thank you.
You'r e very good on this show.
Oh, yeah, I know...
But thanks f or saying so.
I appr eciate the gestur e.
So we'r e gonna be thr ee minutes long.
Okay.
Tell me what happened.
I got a 6-pound, 8-ounce grandson named Matthew,
and his mother's doing just fine.
Oh, that's the best news I've ever heard!
We got the studio back.
Oh! Um...
Hey, guys, Isaac's a grandf ather.
Hey! Congratulations, Isaac!
Mazel tov!
Healthy baby boy.
Have a cigar.
Say...
Quick question -
how come we'r e not on the air?
We've had our shar e of technical problems tonight
as well as paranormal interf er ence,
but we think once we get done with the top half-hour,
we should be out of the mythological penalty box, if you will.
Anybody know what the hell she's talking about?
30 seconds back. We'r e back in 30.
Stand by FX 22.
Stand by S.O.T. V.O. 19, 20, and 21.
Dana: Make sure Janie's there for the flat five.
Listen to this phone call I just got.
Frank and Kathie Lee Giff ord wer e accepting
a humanitarian award over at the Sheraton.
Kathie Lee got up to the podium,
slipped and f ell f ace first into a plate of tapioca.
- At the Sheraton? - Yeah.
- All the way across town? - Yeah.
Aaah! Ladies and gentlemen,
Thespis has left the building!
- Nice! - Yes! - Yes!
Dave: In 3... 2...
Good evening again. Still her e in New York City.
I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell,
and you can't get rid of us quite that easily.
Let's get right to it with a pr eview
of tomorrow's big A.C.C. contest
between the Blue Devils of Duke
and the Tar Heels of North Carolina.
For mor e on that, I give you my partner, Dan Rydell.
Thanks, Casey.
[ Rock music plays ]